• me in the evening: oh, staying up late isn't bad, I'll manage tomorrow
  • me in the morning: AM I A FUCKING IDIOT

freshprincehans:

hellahans-tightpants:

Are you ready for that prostate exam?

image

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jaredhower:

i hate when i wear a skirt or dress somewhere and people ask me why i’m dressed so fancy like i don’t need an occasion to free my legs from the constraints of pants thank you very much

firelorcl:

dermatologists HATE me. everyone hates me. i’m so alone

stunningbieber:

when zanessa broke up i stopped believing in true love

scott-pilgrimage:

whosromeo:

i think it’s cute when someone admits they have a crush on you

i think it’s a fucking miracle 

thekatitube:

DOES ANYONE ELSE GET LIKE REALLY HAPPY WHEN SOMEONE LEANS THEIR HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDER AND YOURE LIKE FUCK YEAH IVE BEEN CHOSEN AND YOU FEEL REALLY SPECIAL BUT THEN YOU HAVE TO STAY SO FUCKIBG STILL COS IF YOU MOVE THEYLL STOP LEANING ON YOU AND ITS LIKE NO COME BACK IM SORRRRYUWYY

jellyworld:

*enters with a bad powerpoint animation effect* hello

a-ionia:

pretty girls with a messy bun and baggy shirts look hot as fuck but when I do it it’s like I’ve been doing drugs for 5 days straight

gaytable:

gaytable:

the guy in front of me walked into a post and i was so busy laughing that i walked into the same post

we’re going for coffee tomorrow morning

well it hit 300k i’m not sure whether to laugh or just fall down and cry 

he’s dating my friend now 

thanks to this incident my friend got laid 

not me

jaclcfrost:

the incredibles 2 better have the original characters in it like

the kid who voiced dash is like 20 now

i don’t care if we have college age dash

i don’t care if violet is an adult

i don’t care if jack-jack is a preteen/teenager

keep them in it

douhgnut:

why get a job when you can sell oregano to middle-schoolers and tell them it’s weed